Getting Bigger

Dear Duckie,
I'm gaining weight. A lot of weight, considering that I'm only about 8 weeks into this pregnancy. It's kind of fun because people are starting to notice. The other day, I had a person ask me for the first time when I was due. Your dad and I didn't answer for a minute because we were certain that she wasn't talking to us. Then we realized that there was no one else around, so it had to be us! It was kind of cool.
Of course, your gramma thought that it was crazy and had me send her a picture so she could see exactly what I look like right now...


Hahaha. She's getting excited. We all are! Your aunts, too! Your Aunt Amanda said "Baaaawwwwww. Lookin' hot!" and Auntie Em said "Holy crap, you have a belly!" I can't wait for all the funny things they'll say as you get bigger and eventually join us! :)

All my love,
Jill

At A Loss

Dear Duckie,
I work in a building that has several other pregnant women in it. Today I found out that one of them, who was only due in a month, lost her baby. The doctors think that the umbilical cord got wrapped around his neck and he choked himself to death. She hasn't been coming in, understandably.
I feel really bad for her, but it surprisingly doesn't worry me with you. I obviously don't know what's going to happen and I won't say I never freak out when something feels weird, but I know that even if I lose you now, I'll get to see you again someday. Our faith teaches us that families can be together forever, and I truly believe that. The reason that we all have to come to Earth in the first place is to gain a body for our spirit. Your spirit now has a body, no matter how small it is. Even if you go back to our Heavenly Father before I get to hold you in my arms, I'll have some sense of peace knowing that your spirit was just so good and so strong that all you needed from Earth was that tiny body.
Though, I'll be honest... I'd still be pretty sad if I didn't get to be your parent here on Earth.
All my love,
Jill

My First Thought

Dear Duckie,

This is how I think now. I hope you're happy.

All my love,

Jill

Hormonal

Dear Duckie,

Child, you are making my life difficult. Ok... it's not 100% your fault... it's mostly just the hormones that accompany pregnancy. Specifically, they're doing a couple different things to me...

1. I'm craving all kinds of food! And since your dad is gone, I can't get any of it! These cravings specifically include a roast beef and cheddar sandwich from Arby's, chicken garlic pizza from Papa Murphy's, yellow cake with chocolate frosting (not even the good stuff... just from a box), brownies (also from a box), and THE MOST DELICIOUS CHINESE FOOD IN THE WORLD. By the time you can actually read this, you will have experienced all that Lim's has to offer. I want some soooo bad right now. I seriously even considered trying to walk to California from Idaho. That's how desperate I am.

2. I have major "pregnancy brain," as they refer to it in my office. This includes: not being able to do your work normally because you're suddenly stupid and saying all kinds of dumb things. At least the second one amuses the boys in the office.

3. I can't make up my mind about anything! I'll wake up in the morning and lay there thinking "I really don't want to go to work today." Then, I get home from work and lay around for a couple hours and think about how much it sucks to be cooped up in the apartment. This pattern literally occurs every single day. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

I'm told it's supposed to get better soon, but in the meantime, I'm going to see if I can figure out a way to get some of that Chinese food out here. Maybe your gramma can freeze it and mail it to me? It's quite delicious, even reheated.

All my love,

Jill


*** Update: I asked your gramma if she would freeze the Chinese food... this is the response I got...

She never responded back.

For the Momma

1. What is something your mom always says to you?

"Patience is a virtue," "Sit on a tack and spin," (when she answers the phone and knows I'm sad ) "Ohhhh! Poor baby!"

2. What makes your mom happy?

Lots of things. Reading, cobalt blue glass, her children (most of the time), her husband (most of the time)... the list goes on and on.

3. What makes your mom sad?

That she no longer has her mother around (in an earthly sense).

4. How does mom make you laugh?

She makes the most hilarious funny faces in pictures and has the most incredible sense of sarcastic humor.

5. What was your mom like as a child?

She was a classic eldest sibling. Tried to be responsible for the world she couldn't control. She was also a nerd, like me. :)

6. How old is your mom?

I don't know if I'm technically allowed to release this information, but she's 52. She sure doesn't look it, though!

7. How tall is your mom?

5' 2"

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

She loves to read, get pedicures and have girls time with her babies (who are all old enough to drink alcohol... not that they all do).

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

Focuses on other kids who (mostly) didn't have the fantastic upbringing that I did. She's an example to a lot more kids than she even knows.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

Writing. She could absolutely write a book.

11. What is your mom really good at?

Comforting me whenever I need it, even about the stupidest things. And NOT RAISING HER GIRLS TO BE DOORMATS. :)

12. What is your mom not very good at?

Math. We always had to ask dad.

13. What does your mom do for her job?

She has all kinds of jobs! Outside of her main job as wife and mother, she works part-time at the Public Health Department and works for St. Joseph's Church running youth group and other teen activities.

14. What is your mom's favorite food?

Hmm... tough question. Pasta, maybe? Nonno's olives? OOOOH! Probably fresh sourdough bread. I bet that's it.

15. What makes you proud of your mom?

She is a conqueror of worlds. She's definitely not the June Cleaver that people wanted her to be. She taught us to stand up for ourselves and that we were (and are) capable of doing anything.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

The Super Mom from those old Coke commercials ("Thanks, Mom... You're super!). Or Wonder Woman.

17. What do you and your mom do together?

Right now, we mostly just talk on the phone, since we aren't in the same state. When we are together, we get pedicures, go shopping and talk a ton. We also like to see movies and eat delicious food.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

Every single way, except one... I haven't proven myself as a mother yet.

19. How are you and your mom different?

I don't know yet if I'll be as good of a mother as she has been to me and my sisters.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

She's always been good at showing us that she does. And when we were growing up, she told us 'no.' That's always a sure sign that a parent loves their kid.

All my love,

Jill

Leaving, in a Ford Focus

Well Duckie,

Your dad is leaving us. Granted, it's only for 3 days, but it feels like an eternity from this side of the fence. He has to go to a training for his new job at the Simply Mac store. For some reason, they do the training in Salt Lake City instead of Idaho Falls where the store is. Seems like a massive inconvenience to me, but whatever.

It'll be a weird 3 days. We've only been married a little more than a month, but this is the longest we will have been apart in a while. I'm really not sure if I'm going to sleep better or worse without him there. Now, let's be clear... I love your dad, but he moves in his sleep and usually physically abuses me unconsciously somehow, so a bed of my own for a couple days is potentially very exciting. Then again, that's a lot of warmth I'll be missing out on! Plus, what if I have a bad dream like the one I had recently where Phineas was hit by a car and I had to carry his dead body home for like a mile? OR the one I had the other night where he got married to Dana Bambino, my best friend from the third grade?? I tell you what... hormones are crazy. They make me have these dreams and then I get all sad about them even after I'm awake. What a pain.

I think the worst part about your dad being gone is that I'm going to have to take the bus to work. It wouldn't ordinarily be so bad, but I'm really unclear as to where the bus actually shows up and stuff. The public transportation system here SUCKS.

There are, however, two plus sides... The first is that I might be forced to do more walking with this whole bus situation. BOTH of your grandmothers have made it very clear that I'm to walk 30 minutes every day. I've been having some trouble with that. Something always comes up. Yesterday the weather was bad, but most of the time, I'm too tired or your dad is feeling lazy and absolutely refuses to come with me. He also thinks that shopping at the grocery store counts, which is entirely wrong. So, maybe I'll have to work a little harder.

The second plus is that there's a bunch of stuff that needs to be done around the house. It's possible that with your dad gone, I'll get bored enough that I'll actually get up off my sorry butt and take care of the giant checklist of things in my head that should be done. It's also possible that I'll feel tired and go to sleep at 7 pm (pregnancy makes this possible AND allows you to sleep through the full night AND still keeps you tired the next day).

So. There you go. What a week we've got ahead of us...

All My Love,
Jill

P.S. I'm hoping when you're older that you'll understand that the title of this blog was fashioned after the song "Leaving on a Jet Plane."

The Jiggles

Dear baby,
I'm just DYING to know if you're a boy or a girl... I'd like to start calling you by your actual name. The funny thing is, once I know what you are, I'll probably only talk to you using dorky nicknames I make up.
Last night I came to a sad realization. My cute little body is going away. It was 4 am, and I had taken Phineas out to go potty. After he finished, I picked him up and started walking back to the apartment. I had only traveled a few steps before I realized that something was very wrong. Walking didn't feel quite the same as it had before. Then it came to me... my back fat was jiggling. That was an entirely new feeling for me; a feeling I could definitely do without. I mean, honestly, I was just getting used to the fact that my boobs were starting to jiggle! Now I have back boobs that jiggle, too! It was a sad night, indeed. Goodbye cute, tiny body. I guess the one good thing is that I'll be more prepared for Idaho winter. *sigh*
Don't worry. I still love you, even though I now constantly feel like a cow.
All my love,
Jill

First Trimester of Doom

Dear Embryo,
Good gravy. The first little bit of your life is making me miserable... no offense. Between the puking, feeling sick when I'm not puking, heartburn (which is brand new to me... thanks so much for that), the memory loss and unpredictable mood swings, it's been a real kick in the pants.
The plus side is that we FINALLY got to tell all your grandparents that you exist! It was pretty cool, too. We had rubber duckies on our wedding cake that were dressed like a bride and a groom. So to tell them, your dad and I went out and found little rubber duckies dressed as babies. We presented a duck to each set along with bubble gum cigars. Their first two responses were "Wow. That was fast." and "Bubble gum cigars in pink and blue? Does this mean we get to vote on if it's a boy or a girl?"
I think my parents took it the hardest, since you'll be their very first grandchild. It probably didn't help that everyone expected us to wait a while after we got married before we made a baby, though. That was the plan, but you'll learn early on in life that things don't always go according to plan. Of course, your dad and I are going to do as much as we can to give you an amazing childhood, but even so, there will come a time when we won't be able to watch our for our little duck anymore. I will, of course, try to delay that moment by all means possible, but eventually you'll fly away and have problems you'll have to take care of all by yourself. I just hope that your dad and I will have given you the tools you need to deal with those problems calmly and rationally. *fingers crossed*
The absolute worst part of the trip was the drive home. I don't think your dad and I are going to make any long car trips for quite a while. This last one was a doozy. I barfed all over the place, soaking the car door (he couldn't find a place to stop). I also made him stop several times so I could open the door and throw up on the street. That grossed him out pretty bad. In addition, I cried for like 15 minutes because he didn't want to go on a walk right away when we got home. We were both pretty freaked out by that reaction.
Today is better. I'm learning more about what I can and can't eat and I've got to tell you... this is absolutely going to be the healthiest I've ever been. I've cut all the bad stuff out of my diet and exercise more than I have in the past. All for you, kid. So don't say I've never done anything for you. :)

All my love,

Jill